


How To (Not) Use An Ouija Board

by Pipoces



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Demons, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, MSBY BJ, Ouija, Post-Time Skip, Pro volleyball players, Romance, hinata is so nice, not beta read we die like men, theyre all idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25156825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pipoces/pseuds/Pipoces
Summary: Sakusa Kiyoomi refused to step into Miya Atsumu's nasty apartment, but when the latter decides to coordinate an Ouija Board session, Sakusa finds himself with no option but to prevent the MSBY Black Jackals quartet from endangering with the supernatural world.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou & Hinata Shouyou & Miya Atsumu & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 28
Kudos: 208





	How To (Not) Use An Ouija Board

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time that I actually try to make humor, since some people said I'm funny (I laugh at my own jokes, so I don't know if I'm a parameter for something), but I really got excited and wrote it . My 15-year-old brother (the only person available, since my cell phone broke) read like 1/3 of this story and laughed, and I think he's a funny guy, so I don't know, I think it looks good.  
> I would also like to apologize if there is an English mistake, it is not my native language.  
> Hope you like it!

There was a historical situation in the group of the monster generation of MSBY Black Jackals, which happened every thousand years, when the planets aligned. It seemed simple to some, but few knew the value of moments like this: When Sakusa Kiyoomi agreed to enter Atsumu's filthy apartment.

On the condition that he would clean it up (This being checked by Osamu, who had probably eaten Atsumu's braincells in the womb), Sakusa agreed to participate in "The Boyz Night" initially proposed by Bokuto, which was a legendary event among the quartet that happened one night a month, where they took turns in each other's houses.

Sakusa initially refused, it was too much social gathering for him, and he shivered just thinking that he could touch the germs of his teammates. But, over time (and with a lot of antibacterial hand gel), he realized that they were relatively bearable when they were in a group. Hinata had decent hygiene habits, and because of Akaashi, Bokuto was able to maintain the apartment they shared in a way that Sakusa didn't think he was going to throw up.

But Miya Atsumu? That apartment was disgusting. He refused to set foot there since the last "The Boyz Night", which he stayed for only 6 minutes, 2 minutes of it completely frozen (judging the amount of cups of instant ramen he had on the counter near the sink, the amount of dust he hadn't swept in the corners of the walls, the gift wrappers from fans completely abandoned in the living room), 3 minutes trying not to have a mental breakdown and the remaining minute saying he would never, ever, step there again.

But there he was, because Atsumu swore that he had something very interesting that he wanted to show.

"Guys." He took a deep breath, taking a box from under the table, showing it to everyone. "Look at what I bought."

"Ouija... Board?" The redhead took the box, analyzing it. "What is it?"

"That, my dear friend," Taking the box again, the blonde placed it on the table, opening and removing the board. "It is a way of communicating with the dead."

"Ah! I already saw a movie about this with Akaashi!" Bokuto announced, excited as always. "But these things are a little dangerous, aren't they? I mean, it was a bit scary."

Atsumu smirked.

"Aaaaah, Bokkun, are you really going to believe this? Are 'ya a scaredy cat by any chance?"

"Er… I agree with Bokuto-san." Hinata spoke up, smiling uncertainly. "What if we talk with some spirit like, I don't know, Hitler I guess ..."

The setter smiled back, already putting the board back in the box. "Ah, Hinata, if 'yer not in the mood I understand ..."

Kiyoomi frowned, really considering leaving.

 _Oh my God, I hate gay people so much_.

Oh no, he would tolerate the mess in the apartment and was that what he would get in return? An Atsumu fifty times more stupid _because of a guy_?

"Let's do this, Hinata! We are very _macho_ , okay? There is no spirit that can scare me! In fact, they are the ones that are afraid of me!" The owl-man puffed out his chest and practically screamed, much to the chagrin of the outside hitter (To be fair to the ghosts, even Sakusa was afraid of Bokuto) "And if everything goes wrong, we'll get a vacuum cleaner!"

"Like the Ghostbusters?" The redhead also cheered up, smiling widely now. My God, the face that Atsumu was making now, he's looking so damn stupid.

"Yeah! Like the Ghostbusters!"

"So I want to! Woah, it must be a lot of fun hunting ghosts!"

Miya then put the board back on the table, continuing with the game.

"So, let's start. First everybody put their finger on this piece of wood here and-"

"I'm not joining this shit." Sakusa stood up, going to get his backpack. "I'm leaving."

" _Nooooo_!" The blonde whined, like the big baby he is. "Why, Omi-Omi? Don't tell me 'yer afraid!"

"This is bullshit. I'm not communicating spirits with _you_." 

He raised an eyebrow "What? Are 'ya afraid that I will be possessed? What if I am possessed by, I don't know, a horny demon? I would look ten times sexier than normal. Although 'ya wouldn't resist my charms, would'ja?" He winked and the dark-haired man did his best disgust face. "It's a pity, Omi-kun, my eyes are already on someone else ..."

"My god. You are unbearable." He snapped. "I'm not afraid. You already make my life hell, it is not a board game that will change anything."

"So if it won't change anything, than play with us, Omi-kun!" 

He could really refuse and leave, he already had a reputation for being a jerk so it wouldn't be a problem, but it was mentally exhausting to debate with this group of idiots. He was already at Atsumu's apartment, it couldn't get much worse. I mean, it could have an exorcism later, but that would be their problem, because he wouldn't be on the side of the priest, the shaman or whoever they called to perform the ceremony.

"I'm not afraid of demons." He sat down again. "You better have sanitized this thing, Miya."

So the three smiled, and Miya announced the start of the game. "Okay, 'ya have to put your finger on this piece of wood here." And everyone obeyed. "Great. Now, we start asking questions. Is everyone ready?"

"Hell yeah! Watch me crank 'em, Souija Board!" Bokuto screamed, and Sakusa regretted not only being there, but, I don't know, being born.

"It's Ouija board, idiot." The outside hitter corrected it.

"Luigi board, whatever."

But before Kiyoomi could chop Bokuto's head off, the setter interrupted.

"All right. Spirit, what's 'yer name?"

Nothing happened in the first moments. The players' eyes were completely focused on the palette, stable in the middle of the board. It didn't moved at all.

But Atsumu felt a slight pressure from the piece. Suddenly, a cold took over his body, making his hair stand. He shivered. The piece was struggling to move. Attentive, he felt that palette push his fingers against his will. Yeah, that was it, it was happening, there was a ghost, a demon, whatever it was, in that cursed game. His heart was pounding and he felt his blood everywhere in his body, his lungs frantically rising and shrinking, the buzzing that invaded his ears and disturbed his brain. He felt the dark aura flowing through his mind as if it were numbing him, and the adrenaline in his veins made his heart beat so hard that it was the only thing he could hear.

Feeling his digits tremble, in those slow seconds, his mind went blank. What did he even ask? Oh, what was the name of the entity.

Finally, the palette showed the answer.

**YES**

"HOLY SHIT!" Atsumu shouted, turning the table and running to his room.

From afar he heard Bokuto's frantic laugh. "Did you really believe that, Tsum-Tsum?" 

The blonde should have expected something like this, after all, being with that group was synonymous with chaos. But Koutaro meant it when he said he was not afraid of demons: he was really going to use a spiritual relic to make pranks.

He was a son of a bitch.

"Bokuto. I'm going to kill 'ya. I'm going to kick 'yer ass so hard that ..." But fuck, Hinata was laughing and like, crying. He was crying with laughter. And his laugh was very precious, but he was laughing at Atsumu. Humiliating. Looking to the side, even Sakusa laughed at his misfortune.

"I'm going to kill y'all. In fact, I'm going to kill myself, and curse you until the day 'ya die."

Nobody paid much attention to the blonde's words. In fact, everyone was laughing and Miya just wanted to throw himself out of the window.

"But it was obviously not going to work." Sakusa seemed to be holding back laughter, hiding his mouth with his closed hand. "You are not doing it right. If there really is any supernatural being here, it wont communicate with you, since you are all dumbasses."

"What, do you know how to play this, Omi-kun?" Hinata asked, somewhat doubtful.

"Watch and learn, children." He put the table back in place, after having sprayed the disinfectant all over the surface, arranged the board. "This game has rules. If you want to play, you need to know them. First, you need to-"

"Omi-kun, do you really know these things? What the fuck? How did you learn that?" Bokuto didn't bother to interrupt, making Kiyoomi roll his eyes.

"Okay. When I was a teenager, my only friend was, like, my cousin. I had to spend time doing something."

There was a silence, and everyone just winked at Sakusa, making a confused expression.

"...Talking to _demons_?" Hinata asked.

"Oh, for God's sake! Obviously not! Watching videos about it. Top 10 videos of ghosts caught on tape and stuff."

Nobody knew if he was more relieved or not, since their teammate was certainly a weirdo. But at least he would also have his virginity of spiritual experiences (As Atsumu awfully called the event) taken away, which didn't mean much, but the fact that he didn't communicate with devils for fun was already quite comforting. And like, everyone was going to do that together, like, bonding time.

Sighing, everyone listened to what the dark-haired man had to say.

"First, the mood is important. Atsumu, do you have candles at home?"

"Samu is afraid that I will burn the house."

"I have a candle app on my phone, does it work?" Hinata suggested, taking out his cell phone.

"It's what we have for today. Let's download the app then."

So everyone did as they were told and put the "candles" on the table.

"Omi-kun, I have deodorant in my bag, we can use it as incense!" Without even waiting for an answer, Bokuto went for the object, spreading the smell all over the room and making everyone cough for a few minutes. But everything was fine, right after a collective scolding, the group returned to normal activity.

"Okay, I'll just explain what is necessary. This game should be played by more than one person, but a lot of people can rock the game, don't play in graveyards, bla, bla, bla. This is a warning to our local bastard, ops, I mean, host and owner of the board." 

The blonde rolled his eyes, but said nothing. "As I am leading, I will be the medium. We will do it in shifts, which will be counterclockwise from me, that is, first it will be me, then Bokuto, then Hinata, and finally, Atsumu."

"Continuing, the palette will be placed on top of the letter G, and so we will make circles with it to activate the game. Don't ask about death, God, and the future. Don't let the palette go to one of the corners of the board, or there will be a possession. There are strange things that can happen, but since I am the medium, I solve it myself. Any questions? "

Hinata raised his hand "What if I need to go to the bathroom?"

"Hinata, are you suggesting stopping a spiritual session to go to the bathroom?"

"Like, I drank a lot of Gatorade in training. I may need to go later"

"Go to the bathroom already."

Thus, the orange-haired man stood up to do his needs, and Kiyoomi took advantage of the situation to address the elephant in the room (at least for him).

"Miya Atsumu. I don't know how you do this, but don't you dare flirt with Hinata in the middle of the game." 

He looked surprised. "I don't know what 'yer talking about."

"Miss it and the demon will make you pay for your horny crimes in hell."

"C'mon, Tsum-Tsum." Bokuto placed his hand (read as slapped) at the others back. "I mean, is quite obvious right now. It's getting ridiculous. Just tell Hinata that you're deeply in love with him or whatever before it gets embarrassing for we all."

"Im not-"

"Don't tell me you didn't realize you look at him with heart eyes."

He sighed, putting his hand on the back of his neck. "I will talk to him someday."

"But not today, loverboy. We have some supernatural shit to do."

"Who's the loverboy?" Hinata said, entering the room again.

"No one!" Atsumu practically shouted.

"... Okay? So, can we start?"

Then the quartet organized themselves around the table, and as ordered by Sakusa, placed their index and middle fingers on the palette. In this, the medium did as he had said: He put the piece in the letter G and moved the piece in circles a few times.

Again, everyone was focused on the little piece. One, two minutes, and nothing happened. Just that adrenaline rush they tried to contain while waiting for the piece to do something.

"C'mon demons, come here, it's me, 'ya boy." Bokuto broke the silence.

"Is anyone here with us?" The medium asked. At that time, everyone's heart accelerated, feeling a shiver when they saw the little piece slowly move.

**YES**

"Is someone playing a trick on us?"

 **NO** ****

"Can you prove me if it's true?"

**I DON'T KNOW**

Sakusa then looked at the other players. "If this is a prank, I'll kill you. Unfortunately, I can't say how to identify whether this is a joke or not. I will proceed."

"Are you a demon or a ghost?"

**DEMON**

Bokuto swallowed his own saliva, taking a deep breath. "Easy, I know an efficient way. I'm going to ask you something that only demons would know."

"The floor is yours." Confirmed the medium.

"What is Mountain Dew's secret formula?"

Everyone was silent.

"What the fuck, Bokkun?" Atsumu looked indignant.

"I'm serious. Once, Akaashi didn't allowed me to buy Mountain Dew, so I tried to follow a tutorial to make a homemade one. It was great, but it wasn't the same thing."

"Bokuto, I don't think that's how-"

But the piece moved, and moved, and moved. It moved slowly, and they spent about 10 minutes watching the words form, while the expression of utter disgust appeared in everyone's faces.

"My God. I will never drinking this again in my life." Said Bokuto.

"I am gonna puke."

"I want to cry. My life just passed in front of my eyes."

"You are _definitely_ a demon." Sakusa shivered at the thought of the horrible thing he read. "Okay, then, Hinata, it's your turn. Ask questions to know it, then we skip to the details."

"OK." He took a deep breath. "What are your pronouns?"

**THEY/THEM**

"Guys, I'm not gonna misgender a demon, right? Atsumu-san, your turn."

"Uhhh...What do 'ya do for a living?"

**MY MISSION IS DISSEMINATE THE CHAOS, DESTRUCTION AND DISORDER, WITH MY ARMY OF INFERIOR DEMONS, I WILL CONDEMN SINFUL SOULS TO ETERNAL SUFFERING IN THE DEEPEST REACHES OF HELL**

"So ... what's your name?" It was Sakusa's turn.

Nobody was prepared for what came next.

**MY FRIENDS CALL ME GREG**

Like, it was wrong to laugh at ouija board sessions. But ... Greg? The scariest creature that probably existed in hell was called ... Greg? Everyone tried to keep from laughing, but it didn't work.

**STOP LAUGHING**

But that only made the players laugh at their lungs out.

**WHY DON'T YOU TAKE ME SERIOUSLY**

"Dude ... 'Yer name is like ... Greg." Atsumu said as he felt the tears come down on his face. "'Yer probably a badass demon, but like ... 'Yer name doesn't match 'yer status. It has, like. Dunno. Greg has such… _Greg energy_."

"Guys, like, let's not ... Annoy ... Pffff." Bokuto held back a laugh. " _Greg._ " And he started laughing again.

**WHY NO ONE TAKES ME SERIOUSLY**

Greg barely managed to write this on the board, since those imbeciles were having so much fun that the piece was shaking.

"Wait, wait ..." Hinata wiped a tear. "Does it really bother you?"

**YES**

**NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY AND IT ENDS AFFECTING MY WORK**

"C'mon, Greg! It's just a joke! You sure are a very incredible demon."

**BUT YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME**

"But ... Greg-san!" Everyone bit their lip at that time, trying to hide their laughter. "Don't lower yourself for that! So what if your name is Greg? You have a lot of potential!"

"Hinata, are you comforting a demon?" Atsumu asked.

"Yes! Like, we ended up hurting him. I don't like to see anyone put themselves down. Do you know what I think, Greg-san? You just need to find a new mechanism. I think if you find a way to scare people, everyone would fear your name. "

**DO YOU REALLY THINK I CAN DO IT**

"I'm sure! I'm rooting for you, Greg-san!" He said, smiling adorably.

"Great, Hinata befriended a demon." Sakusa again rolled her eyes. "Sorry to laugh at your name, Greg. It was just too unexpected." He was lying, that name was hilarious. "Will you allow us to continue the session?"

**YES**

"Great. Where did we stop ... Bokuto, it's your turn again."

"Hm ... I don't know what to ask ... Greg, you know everything, don't you?"

**I KNOW ALL OF YOUR SINS**

"Like, just sins, or like, everything, and that was only because of the dramatic effect?"

"Bokuto-san! It's my turn!" Hinata complained.

"Is important!"

**I KNOW EVERYTHING**

"I'm entitled to two questions now. Okay, Greg-san ... Let's see ... Is it hot where you live?"

**YES**

**BUT I BOUGHT AN AIR CONDITIONER**

"This is great! Hm ... Ah, I know! Do you play volleyball?"

**YES**

**YESTERDAY HAD PUNISHED A GUY WITH A VERY ROUND HEAD AND WE USE IT AS A BALL**

**IT** ' **S AERODYNAMICS WAS GREAT**

"That's... great!" He stammered. "Atsumu-san, can I steal your question? Or do you ask three questions, if you want. I wanted to know what position he plays ..."

And what wouldn't the blonde do for him? To please Hinata, he would stop asking any question he wanted. Because that was what he was. A pathetic little gay.

"I can ask this for you, don't worry. Greg, what's your position?"

**LIBERO**

"Oooh! How amazing! You should already know our positions then ... Atsumu-san, your turn!"

"Ok ... Greg, since you know everything, answer me, did Osamu really put laxative in the ice cream he had in the fridge, that time we were fourteen?" 

**YES**

"That son of a bitch ..."

"But Tsum-Tsum." Bokuto looked concerned "You have the same mother."

"Screw it. He is still a son of a bitch, and you wouldnt understand that statement since you're an only child."

"Atsumu-san, I don't curse my sister like that." Hinata looked at him.

"Me neither." Liar. Sakusa cursed his siblings all the time. But to humiliate Atsumu? He could be content with that.

"I'm going to throw myself out of the window. Sakusa, you can take my shift."

"Great. Greg, who was it that smeared my towel with snacks at the last practice?"

**BOKUTO**

"I knew it! You always eat Doritos before training!"

"Omi-omi, it was an accident! I promise! I thought it was my towel!"

"Do you use your towel as a napkin?"

Chaos. They had a long discussion until they agreed that they should buy towels in different colors to avoid confusion. So it was Bokuto's turn, who asked who cuts the hairdressers' hairs (The demons. It's them. Everything is clearer now.)

"Shoyo-kun, your turn." Atsumu smiled.

"Ok ..." He paused, taking the courage to ask. Everyone looked at him, waiting for what he had to say. Well, it was now or never. "Greg-san, does my crush love me back?"

**YES**

Hinata looked like the sun itself, radiant and illuminating everyone (the virtual candle also did something like that, but Hinata was kind, three-dimensional and more beautiful), in total contrast to Miya, who looked like he had been punched in the stomach.

"Really?"

**YES**

"Hinata, it's my turn."

"Greg-san, I'm so happy! Really? Really really?"

**YES**

"Hinata!"

"Greg-san, don't answer anything about it, okay? I want to surprise him ..."

**ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO NICE**

The blonde was going batshit.

* * *

The night passed too quickly for the other players, but for Atsumu it seemed too slow. They found out interesting things like the secrets of their teammates (both from MSBY and high school, things like how their libero, Inunaki Shion, maintained a vast collection of My Little Pony's action figures, or how Ushijima was weak for houseplants).

They found out also how many types o fish there are, or the fact that Hitler had a single testicle or how Greg had some sense of humor when they asked them to read out loud the letters "I-C-U-P" (Bokuto also learned that Finland really exists, and it was not something that Akaashi made up), but Atsumu really couldn't care about any of that.

_Who the hell was Hinata's crush? It's me? Was it someone from the team? I died and is this torture the punishment for trying to contact forces from the other side?_

"Atsumu-san, your turn." The angelic voice called out to him softly, and he felt it would melt.

"Okay, I'm going to sound desperate. I don't care anymore, judge me, I don't care. Greg, please tell me who Hinata's crush is."

"Atsumu-san!"

**NO**

"Hinata, whoever it is, I'm going crazy!"

"And why do you want to know so much?"

**GUYS IT'S HAPPENING**

"I ..." He didn't even read what Greg wrote.

"Isn't it obvious?"

He stopped. It was visible on the blond's forehead the blue screen written "Error 404 system not found" and on his head there was probably only a little monkey hitting those metal plates and doing acrobatics, and the only thing he heard was that Windows XP shutdown sound.

"Hinata. I'm stupid. I have an idea but I don't want to look ridiculous."

"You are being ridiculous, Atsumu." Sakusa's voice interrupted the moment. "You have nothing to lose."

"Atsumu-san, he's right. Accept that it's you already."

**I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS**

"Wait-" He seemed to have regained consciousness. "Did you say that I look ridiculous?"

"Oh my- I'm going to hit you, Atsumu." The redhead approached, looking menacing. "I'm just not going to finish the game because Greg is very nice."

**NO**

**SOLVE THIS**

**I WILL BE WATCHING EVERYTHING FROM DOWN HERE**

**GOOD LUCK HINATA**

"So can we say bye?" And so the palette went to the word "goodbye", thus ending the game. "Atsumu, like, I'm in love with you, okay? You are an idiot!"

"Don't play with me."

"Holy shit, I'm going to break that board over your head. Kiss him already." Sakusa said, enraged.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss!" Bokuto started to chant.

Then, slowly, they approached, and little by little, they were feeling each other's breath and ...

They forgot they had their finger on the palette. Like, everybody.

And it moved again.

**HELLO**

"What the fuck?" Koutaro looked at the board. "Greg, you messed up!"

**I AM NOT GREG**

* * *

Akaashi Keiji was a dedicated man. That didn't mean much, he was just another tired 22-year-old man (but his column said he was like, 70), who wasn't in the department he wanted at work, and had several deadlines to meet. Life was exhausting, but he was Bokuto Koutaro's boyfriend. And for him it meant as hell.

That day, he knew he wouldn't have his boyfriend for himself, but he could handle it. He was happy with Bokuto having a fun time with his teammates.

But Bokuto had some problems, and the one in question today was his weakness number 9: He forgot his belongings very easily, being now the toothbrush.

Akaashi didn't care much, so he took Bokuto's toothbrush and left for Atsumu's apartment.

He rang the bell, and was immediately startled.

"THEY ARRIVED! THEY WILL EAT OUR SOULS"

In that, the man assumed that they were watching a movie. He rang the bell again, and so they screamed.

"SAKUSA FINISH TO BREAK THIS SHIT!"

"HINATA, DON'T STOP PRAYING AVE MARIA."

"BOKUTO, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT IS, JUMP FROM THE WINDOW, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FIND THE HOLY WATER."

But what the hell ...? If Atsumu was as predictable as it looked, Akaashi could find out what was going on, so he lifted the entrance rug and found a key underneath. Opening the door, everything looked like chaos: Sakusa was trying to break a board with his hands, Atsumu was doing whatever the fire from the stove, Hinata was kneeling on the floor praying in Portuguese (which was as close to Latin as they could get), and finally

his boyfriend at the window, planning to jump.

"AKAASHI! IT'S STILL HERE! QUICK, THIS PLACE IS CURSED! WHERE'S THE NEAREST CHURCH?"

And that's how "The Boyz Night" never happened without supervision again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hours of buzzfeed unsolved supernatural and that ouija board vine prepared me for this moment


End file.
